"I know I have a fickle heart,

& a bitterness

& a wandering eye

& a heaviness in my head."

-don't you remember; adele

historically speaking, today tends to be a day of reflection. today specifically I found myself delving into the depths of my tumblr, uncovering my love of the les mis movie circa 2012, my obsession with hunger games in 2013, and an unwavering distaste for taylor swift circa forever. 

one of my findings that particularly puzzled me, was a series of posts about an unrequited love back in '13. it took all of my rather impressive memory, and using a life line to determine I have absolutely no idea who I was in love with. absolutely none. but, whoever this mystery man was, I loved him a lot. 

it struck me as I read 22 year old diana's thoughts and feelings and drama that things in life are so fleeting. this is not a new concept, of course. this idea has been flouted on mugs, t shirts, gravestones, and graduation ceremonies since the concept of time began. old people tend to warn the younger ones that life goes by in an instant, and while that might be true, what strikes me is how much happens in that time. life happens and you look back and six years have gone by, and with it an entire race. our bodies are completely different every seven years and it stands to reason that our minds are, too. 

a friend recently went through a really bad breakup - the first one he'd ever endured. he lost his appetite, lost weight, and lost his self of sense. as we sat at a small cafe and ate pancakes together on a saturday morning as spring was beginning to bloom, he told me, "at least I can say I've done it now. I got to have this human experience." 

I may never remember who I felt such intense feelings for, but a part of me is glad I had them at all. it's not odd for me to be intense or - dare i say - dramatic, but if life is going to happen this quickly, i certainly am glad I feel things deeply. i look back on a younger me and laugh at how important everything was, while some of it has been taken from me by the process of time. i wonder how many battle scars i will still have of my life now. my very existence, in little lives, on the east coast, and in general is so fleeting and so temporary, and I'm not gonna waste it on being melancholy.