*This idea was taken from Kelle Hampton, a mother of a child with Down syndrome*

My oldest sister was six when I was born. She and our middle sister, Sharaya, could've been twins in the way that they acted. It wasn't until I was four and Beth was ten that I realized something was different about her. I was being watched by my grandma when my mom brought my sisters over after school. I remember my grandma asking my sister why she had a mark on her forehead, and they said it was because of the rocks that the kids had thrown at them. It turns out one of them made contact. Beth was all smiles and nonchalant about it. She and my sister went into the playroom while my mom sat at the table with my grandma. I stood in the hallway and listened to them talk about the challenges Beth was facing for being different. That was the first time I heard the words "Down syndrome". 



When I was in school I was commended for my patience (hour long commutes have taken it out of me since) and it was all chalked up to growing up with someone with Down syndrome. Beth would take longer than anyone to do everything. Some things, like getting her lunch out of the fridge, would drive me absolutely crazy. I cannot say patience is something I acquired easily because that is far from the truth. Unfortunately I had a lot of bad moments before I really got a handle on it. During my early twenties I would spend every Tuesday with her. From swimming to baking, we would have quality one-on-one time. I would definitely say this is when I perfected it. After I did, life became more enjoyable. Just factoring in those extra minutes for her to get herself together was the biggest key I learned to ensure a successful day.

One of the reasons the community can be so rewarding is due to the people that brought us into it. People with Downs are known for their happy dispositions. When we were little and something good would happen to Sharaya or myself, Beth would get as excited as if it was happening to her. Her nickname was Sweety Bird because she would flap her arms like she was about to take off. This trait has extended through her entire life thus far, and makes cheering for her during tournaments so enjoyable.

Beth being the oldest meant that the normal format in families didn't apply to us. We don't have personalities that match our birth order, and Sharaya and I couldn't look up to her as our model. This led to Sharaya and I carving out our own paths in life; hers was a family, mine was travel. We routinely talk about how different our lives would have been if Beth went to college or got married to her high school sweetheart. Essentially, if she had set the precedent who knows where we would be! Some people go through life thinking they have to live a certain way and reach particular goals along the way to consider their life a success. Thanks to Beth, I've never had to look at life like that.



Birth order is a joke and age means nothing. One day when we were elementary aged kids, our parents let us walk down to the corner store and get some treats. We paid and walked out and as we were heading down the street, Beth said, "Look at this!" and pulled a Reese's pack out from behind her back. Sharaya immediately scolded her and made her go back inside to return it. When Beth was older and started menstruating, there were many times that I, a second grader with literally no experience in this field, would be called her help her. I learned very early on that age couldn't stop anyone from doing anything. This transcended into many different parts of my life and is the reason behind my drive.

Growing up, bullying was a real problem in my life due to my sister. Kids would hurl insults and sometimes rocks, strangers would stare. I developed what became known as "The Look": I would squint my eyes and purse my lips. This was my reflex whenever someone would look at us. They'd look at her, then they'd look at me only to find me glaring back at them and it would make them avert their eyes. Unfortunately, I started doing this as a reflex whenever I left my house. It caused a man to tell me to lighten up while I was grocery shopping last week. That didn't help. One of the hardest things I had to deal with growing up were friends. I had several friends from church that knew Beth because they would see me with her. I would go to their houses and we would have sleepovers, but when I would ask them to come over to my house, they refused. One flat out told me she was afraid of Beth. Learning to reject friends that couldn't or wouldn't accept Beth was one of the hardest things I had to do. If they couldn't look past her appearance to see the good she had inside, I didn't need that kind of person in my life anyway.

Hey there troubled youth. Let your Xanga breathe for a hot second and listen to a wiser version of yourself. Seventeen is a very, very fun year for you. To be honest I basically condone every choice you're gonna make this year because you're still so stubborn it's hilarious. Also, keep thinking a drop of alcohol will kill you because it, surprisingly, gives you an edge. And just so you're aware, literally no one at Macys cares that you sample the perfume. Spritz away.

You'll be sad to learn our nails don't stay painted on the regular anymore, and we own more than one pair of shoes with laces. In fact, I'm in jeans more than not these days. I know that crushes your soul. But we finally found the right red lipstick and all the power that comes with it.
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I was thinking about your dream, recently: you wanted to go to college in New York and work in Marketing or PR or something equally flashy and you had this dream where, at 26, you decided to give it all up and re prioritize your life. This sounds nutty, but then, so are we. Well things didn't turn out that way. College was put on the back burner because some friends had this great idea that, despite your wishes, never really played out. So instead of going to college at all, you went to Europe. As much as The College Experience sounds fun and we definitely missed out on parts of it, I'm so eternally glad for the time spent in Europe and Australia.

You have this trait where you constantly take care of other people: from you sister with Downs syndrome to your friends after a night of drinking. This is fine and good but you must remember to take care of yourself as well. Don't give yourself so much unnecessary responsibility that you become overwhelmed and burn out. It's okay to be the fun aunt instead of the replacement mother.

You really must learn to say "no" when you want to. People will respect you and in the off chance that they don't, it means they probably never did to begin with. Don't let other people's needs get in the way of your success. You'll fail a class over a boy and that is just unacceptable.

Don't be so petty with people who leave your life and don't check up on them on social media. If you're bored, learn another language. As Grandmother said, "Let the people behind you worry about themselves".

As cheesy as most Pinterest-inspired quotes can be, what they say is true: if it's meant to be, it will be. Sometimes it just doesn't happen the way we thought it would, and that's okay.